The Complexity of Grief

I guess I never really understood grief. The complexity of Grief is very real. I guess I always thought grief and grieving was one thing- sadness. Processing emotions. Remembering a life. That sort of thing.

It’s so much more.

I am learning that I really have no idea how to grieve and grieve well. I don’t really understand the grieving process.

Honestly, does anyone really understand grief?

It’s not something that can be understood. At least, from what I looked up quickly here, not really. There isn’t a linear process to grieving. We are all grieving something in our own way.

There are so many types and reasons why we grieve. Some are grieving the loss of a dream. Loss of a job, pet, marriage. Then we can get into the loss of a loved one. But even then, we are all grieving in such different ways.

Some have to set it aside to handle the practical things of loss of a loved one. The funeral, bills, will. Taking care of their possessions. Which can open up an avenue of grieving as well. Talking about the memories and sharing with others the things you recall about the items can be so helpful in the grieving process.

Others may be stuck in the process and need time to just allow themselves to fully grieve. Sometimes tho, we can be stuck for years in the process and grief needs to be dealt with in other ways.

Grief Stuck

For me, I had a friend do a Body Code session on me, and we found that I had grief stuck in me from a young age. I had never been able to process a grief from that age and from then on, it appears that I wasn’t able to process properly grief. Grief still shows up in me still, when I do Body Code or even AO scans. I am learning to allow myself to let grief run its course.

The complexity of Grief:

That is a challenge in itself.

I mean.. How do you grieve?? Especially when you are my age and have never really learned to grieve properly??

Like there is a “properly” associated with the word “grieve”..

There really isn’t. As I have said; there is a complexity in grief.

Grieving takes so many different forms from denial to acceptance. And, one does not just go from denial to acceptance in a linear fashion.

NO. Rather, most of the time grieving goes from one extreme to the next. You might be able to carry on with life going on about your days in a form of denial when suddenly, sometimes without warning, something triggers the memory. The emotions come flying up and they can range from sadness to anger to a full and complete breakdown.

All of which are perfectly normal.

Yes. I said that normal.

Why normal? Because your feelings and how you process them are different from mine. Different from your sisters. Different from your best friends. I am not going to tell you that your grief is not normal.

Unless of course, you are literally stuck in grief and it has been a very long time. Then, I might say, hey come on over. Let’s put on some tea and chat. And do a Body Code session.

Give yourself time and the space to grieve whatever it is you need to grieve. Honor your emotions and your body. Honor yourself enough to allow yourself to grieve whatever it is you need to grieve.

I am listening very carefully to this advice I am giving myself as well as you.

What can you do to allow yourself to accept the complexity of grief?

Sometimes, at least for me, things that are active help me. Walks. Cutting down trees. (yes… I did that.. you may not need to do something quite so physical and destructive. I hope.) Maybe a strenuous workout, if that’s what you like to do.

Other options that are less physically strenuous: A massage. A hot bath with some Essential oils and Epsom Salts. Some time away.. Even if all you do is take a day and just watch movies with a sad theme. Let yourself cry!!

Talk with your friends and loved ones about your loss. Help them also grieve and learn to grieve. Share memories and find ways to memorialize your loss.

I hope this helps you as much as it has been helpful for me. I am learning to honor myself and give myself the space to grieve.

Honor yourself and allow yourself to feel those emotions and grieve. Grief is truly a complex emotion. Recognize that and you will do well.

If you are stuck, click here to contact me. We can set up a Body Code session for you. Your first session with me is an explanation of the process, a demonstration, and lasts about 20 min for $45.

I would be honored to help you with your grief.