Self-Compassion. Inner Child. RAIN.

A couple of weeks ago, in our mentoring group, my friend brought up this topic of “Self-Compassion”. An important topic we realized as we discussed it. We are so hard on ourselves sometimes. And why? 

In general, no one is harder on ourselves than we are. That inner critic is really a jerk. And a liar. We have to understand that our inner critic is, very often, our brains lying to us. I also listened to a podcast during that time that featured a well-known neuroscientist who has spent the last 20-odd years studying the brain and how we think. 

I was fascinated!

(Yeah. I know. Im so weird!!)

Right-Brain Genius Need Self-Compassion

In it, he said something that will stick with me for a long time. Those of us who are more right-brained geniuses tend to be harder on ourselves. He said that he didn’t know anyone who was famous for their talents who didn’t struggle with their brains lying to them. Their brains would tell them things like: 

•  You aren’t enough.
• You aren’t actually good at this.
• You are a fraud
• You have no idea what you are doing.

Sound familiar?? 

I KNOW!!! ME TOO!!! 

I mean, I’m not saying I’m extremely talented at some big-name thing. I am saying that THEY STRUGGLE WITH THE SAME THINGS WE OFTEN DO!! 

(You can find that episode here. “Trapped Inside a Brilliant Mind”)

Not to minimize their struggles, but they have people who surround them every day telling them they are geniuses, and still their brains are telling them lies!!

Now, because of who I am and what I do, I would argue that some of those voices keeping them in that place are actually demonic voices, curses, and other things that are keeping them stuck. Not only their own brains. Yes, I do think that our brains lie to us. But I also think that the open doors we have in our lives because of past behavior, our upbringing, and generational stuff allow the enemy to get in and make a mess of our thoughts. 

Some Self-Compassion Tools

Here is where a great tool can come in to help. Well, a few great tools. 

The first is kinda funny, I think. But can be so effective. I have heard a few people use this lately; it just made me laugh. And, to be honest, if you can’t laugh about some things……

Give your inner critic a name. A totally different name from your own. When your inner critic starts harping on you, you can say something like, “Jemimah ANNE!! That will be enough from you!” 

(I don’t know where that name came from. It literally just popped into my head as I wrote. And of course, there has to be a second name because how will the critic know I have had enough if I don’t use the full name??!!) 

Funny though, isn’t it??!!  It gives you power over that voice and puts you back into the driver’s seat. Which is so important here. I have another friend who likes to use that analogy. She will ask, “Who is driving the bus?” The goal is for YOU to be driving the bus and no one else. 

Inner Self

The next has to do with Self-Compassion, which is where I started this article. Give yourself some compassion. Think about the little girl or boy you love. Now, would you talk to that little girl or boy the way you are talking to yourself? 

Not likely that you would. Change the words to things you would say to that boy or girl with compassion. 

The last thing I have for you is this tool from Tara Brach: R.A.I.N. 

R-Recognize.

Recognize the thoughts that are coming up. Notice the triggers and the things your brain is telling you. Understand that those thoughts are not thoughts you want to allow. 

A-Allow.

Allow those thoughts to just be. You are making space for a pause to happen. Don’t try to fix the thoughts or analyze, just allow them. You can ask yourself something like, “Is this fear here for a reason?” “What am I anxious about?” 

Give yourself the ability to notice and make room for thoughts or feelings that are valid. If needed, say something to yourself; a whisper is fine. “It’s ok.” “This belongs.” 

I-Investigate

with interest and care. Here is where I differ a little bit from Tara Brach. I would invite Jesus into this situation and ask Him what He has to say. Investigate and be open to what Jesus would show you. 

You can use these questions from Tara Brach: 

“You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need?”

This part may take a little more time, and maybe journaling would be helpful here. Set aside about 15 min to just ask yourself those questions. 

Invite Jesus in and ask Him some questions. 

What do you say about this? 

What do you want to do about this wounded place in me? 

Spend some time journaling those answers. 

N-Nurture with Self-Compassion.

If any of the answers you received were not love or compassion, go back and get new ones. Be intentional about compassion towards your inner self. That little girl or boy inside you needed a little attention. Would a reassuring word or phrase help that inner self? Does that inner self need some forgiveness? 

If you aren’t sure, ask Jesus what that inner self needs most. And then do it. 

Sometimes that inner self just needs to know they are loved and valuable. Let them know that truth. Allow Jesus to fill you with His Love and Light. 

The important part here is that you allow yourself the space to pause and recognize the truth. Once you have done any of the things I I talked about here, be intentional about reminding yourself of what has just happened. In your journal, or on a notecard, write the Truth that you want to remind yourself of. 

Maybe all it is is this: I am loved and important. My feelings matter. 

Whatever it is, take the time to acknowledge it. 

I hope these tools help you calm your inner critic. If you still need a little help, set up an appointment and lets chat!