Feed Them With a Long-Handled Spoon

Recently, I read the book, “Fool-Proofing Your Life” by Jan Silvious. I learned so much!! I think my title for this article, “feed them with a long-handled spoon” was my favorite line in the whole book!! Put simply, it means to create healthy boundaries between yourself and your foolish person. It means to treat them like you would treat any stranger- with kindness and with courtesy. Its a way to keep yourself from being sucked in to your fools emotional fights. 

Some people in your life need to be kept at a distance. Not everyone gets to be in your inner circle. Not everyone should be in your inner circle. People need to earn that place after a track record of healthy relationship. I have had to talk to my kids about this over and over, and remind myself as well!!  

My Boundary-less Life

I have had people in my life that I allowed in much too quickly and they soon took over my life. Not because they should have been, but because they invaded my life. I was needing the people in my life as well and it allowed for unhealthy relationships to take over. People who mutually NEED are not necessarily healthy good relationships. 

The people I allowed in my life ultimately caused deep wounding by their choices which ended the relationship. It was totally because I allowed people into my life that had no healthy boundaries. We were together multiple days and nights a week. They had no bedtimes so they would be at my house til late into the night. I was a homeschool Mom at the time, so they would keep me up very late and then that caused a ripple effect. My kids didn’t get to bed til later, I didn’t get to bed til later. Then we all started the next day later. Pretty soon it was affecting everything! 

These people demanded our attention which took away the attention from my family. I allowed it, most definitely. I needed good friends in my life and I thought that was what they were. But what happened, in the end, showed me that I allowed unhealthy people to have an unhealthy influence in my life. 

Boundary-less people influence other boundary-less people in unhealthy ways. Setting Healthy Boundaries in our lives and relationships are a must!

What I should have done, and began to do towards the end, was create and enforce healthy boundaries. I should have used that long handled spoon a lot sooner!  But I didn’t understand that boundaries were a thing!!  I didn’t get it and I needed friends, I needed love. I took my value from these people rather than from who God called me to be. 

My Boundary-less Home

During this time, and for years prior to this, I had no healthy boundaries. I was not even allowed to create boundaries, I tried. But they were demolished over and over by the people around me and I didn’t understand that I could indeed enforce them. It wasn’t until I learned how to use boundaries in a healthy way, that I learned that I could indeed enforce my own boundaries in a loving way. 

I lived in a house that was right next door to what is now our shop. For years, my husband, being the “nice guy” would send friends to spend their time waiting for their work to be done at our house. With me. No matter what time in the morning it was. No matter what my plan for the day was. No matter what illness was going on. I had many days when I had different people at my house visiting, not even exaggerating, all day long. My kids loved it because then Mom had no time or extra energy to homeschool them. They could do whatever they wanted. Mom was busy with the “company”.   

Sadly, I did offend many people with my anger and frustration with my situation. I hurt people in my boundary-less state. I didn’t understand about keeping healthy boundaries. Not enabled to enforce them in a healthy way, I got angry. With guests, it was “nice” anger. In other words, it was passive. Nice, but filled with daggers. With my kids, it was out loud. It wasn’t their fault, but I had all this anger that just came out. 

As A Result

Boundary- less people often are angry. They may have issues with health- digestive, high blood pressure, etc.. stress type illnesses. Their anger can’t always come out in healthy ways, so it shows up in the body and in other ways. Boundary-less people may have eating issues, money, time, alcohol and substance abuse, and sexual issues. All of these things can be a symptom of a frustrated, angry, boundary-less life. 

In my next post I will talk more about this and what I learned. Of course, it was the hard way, as you can see here. (Sometimes I needed to learn the hard way……)

If you want to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your life, I strongly encourage you to read this book for yourself. Join me then in my group! Message me for more information.

Another amazing book about setting healthy boundaries is, “Boundaries; When to say Yes, How to say No, To Take Control of Your Life.” By Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Does this stir up some things in you? Maybe you have some boundary issues. Are you the one who is invading others boundaries. Make an appointment today to meet with me!! I would love to help you sort things out using a variety of tools to help you get free! I follow the Holy Spirit as I pray with you to get to the root of your issues.

Blessings,

Vicki